#MotherStories: Still the Beginning

I’m struggling to write the next #motherstories installment. How do you talk about something that happened so long ago yet still feels so fresh in my heart? How do I take apart the complexities of infertility, miscarriage, of going through the grief of unrealized dreams and intangible losses? How do you do that when so many struggle to tolerate expression of open ended loss when “you should be over it” or “you have such a good life now…you’re so blessed…” and I know that I am but there it is. 🦋

There it is #likeastone on my chest at times I’m not prepared for it. 🦋

Believe me I’d like nothing more than to #justgetoverit. I’d love nothing more than to never wonder #whatmightvebeen. I’d love nothing more than to just live blissful surrounded by #mytwomiracles, a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a good life. 🦋

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from trying to be the best momma to my kids, it’s that your body remembers #trauma … remembers loss …remembers even when you’re willing your self to forget. It’s still there and part of #livingwithit and the repercussions of all that’s happened is allowing myself to remember and feel and acknowledge that, in spite of the good place, in addition to the blessings, there’s stuff that’s been pretty brutal on the heart and being heard, being fully known is a part of the healing process. 🦋

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