HopelessHoper

Hey You, Yes… you, all of you who feel a load of all sorts as May rolls around. You. Here you are, it’s #allthingsSpring and new life and maybe you carry that load out front or you try to hide it since you have SO much to be thankful for. 🌸 And yet, there’s a cringing at the question “what do you want for Mother’s Day” and you know, there’s a heart that’s weary, a sadness on the edges, or maybe it’s in the deep, deep centre of your soul. You don’t want that feeling – ask for

It’s hard to believe she’d be 12, our Kaylie.  Aunties don’t forget… My niece Kaylie MaeBeth, was born silently on July 13, 2006 at 25 weeks gestation. She is the third daughter of my sister JJ and her Hubby Dan. This letter was written to be shared at Kaylie’s graveside service on Sunday, July 16. It was read by my nephew Hayden, so grown up, such a Man in the making… Auntie just wanted to be a part of celebrating the life of her precious niece… My heart is sad as I sit down

In honor of My Daddy ~ Poppy ~ who went to be with Jesus on June 9, 2015.  I know that I know that I know that I will see him again someday.  I know that I know that I know that he is experiencing more of what life is supposed to be as he worships, works and loves us from heaven. I know that he loved me.  And wow, did I love him. (This post recorded an experience I had on March 15, 2009, following the dear of my friend Angie and was shared on a previous blog at that time) I h

I might just this time, hit “post” on this entry.  It’s been brewing, and written and re-written since somewhere before the end of January.  I haven’t wanted to publish it, mostly because if I did hit publish, I would have to mean what I say.  And I wasn’t sure if I meant it or not.  Til now.  After some recent events in our life, both in seeking out new ministry opportunities and a tragedy in one of our children’s first families, I have felt this strange and growing awarenes

I wonder this. Is it?  I hope so. I’ve agonized over how to write about this.  Or whether I should at all.  But how can I not speak to this, the latest and steepest turn in the relationships with Emme’s other family?  Part of my need to write is to help me remember, and put into words the things that are hard to tell now, will be hard to tell later to a girl I love more than words can say.  But the other side is the part of me that wonders, in the “why did this happen” sort o

I sent my family ~ Hubby, kiddos and my parents ~ all to church this morning without me. It’s in that moment, when the door closes, and I’m not with them, that it hits me ~ now that I have all this healing time to think about such things ~ it hits me the things that I’ve lost while living with this disease called endometriosis. Oh yes, it stole my fertility, and that right now, has been my focus of grief (I hope now and FINALLY…please God, let it be so!). And I know from all

Here I was, all set today to finally pull myself up and talk about the good things that adoption has brought to my life. It is Adoption Awareness Month after all. It’s hard though to do that, because I feel so much like walking on eggshells because so many are grieving their losses in adoption right now. And I respect that. Acknowledge that. I have been enjoying the posts of many parents who speak so eloquently about the children they are blessed to parent because of adoption